corbeau: (Tardis)
posted by [personal profile] corbeau at 03:20pm on 14/01/2014 under , ,
So, I tried logging in to my ages old OD account to post there as I hadn't posted there in forever and I just really needed to get my thoughts down today for some reason. I couldn't log in there so I am here. I have a blogspot blog ( and I'll probably post this there too. I have been feeling the need to write more often. This place is like a stranger to me now. Writing is strange. I haven't written much more than a 3 page snippet of a story that will probably never develop into anything in ages.

I just read Amanda Palmer's last blog about her friend that died and it brought up so many emotions. I'm still very NOT OVER my Mother's death. DEATH. I wrote passing but it's not passing it's Death. With a capital D. She did not lightly pass away in her sleep. She tore a hole in my world. In all of our worlds. My sisters. My Father. We didn't know how to hold ourselves together without her. My sisters and I are close. That won't change. But my Mother's death made it so easy for my Father to completely wash his hands of us. I like to say that I'm truly an orphan because I don't really have a Father anymore, but of course it's not true. I do have a Father. The drugs control his life now. Although to be honest they ALWAYS controlled his life. Once my Mother died he had no reason to care for anything or anyone else except the drugs. He could have. He could have woken up from his daze, gotten the help he needed, and been the Father we've needed since I was in High School.

And don't get me wrong, I know drug addiction is an illness. I know it's not easy to beat. I know it's one of the hardest things people can face. It's just... he had a 12 year old daughter that desperately needed her Father and instead of trying. Instead of fighting for her, he gave in and went into a downward spiral that continues today.

He left a message on my sister Teresa's answering machine last week at 2 in the afternoon. It was a butt dial and so it was him talking with two women about some crazy shit and then talking about what strength pills they wanted to do right then. Ugh. It was difficult to listen to. He sounded insane. Not surprising.

Whenever we confront him about it he asks us to prove that he's doing drugs and gets pissed off and disappears again for months at a time. Then he'll come back to Sunday dinners again like nothing ever happened and tell us he's stopped drinking. For two weeks. Then he'll be drinking a bottle of wine with dinner every weekend.

That call's been playing in my head since I listened to it on Sunday. That's probably why Amanda's post spoke to me so strongly. I know my Father has some kind of guardian angel that keeps him alive but it won't be long before I am truly an orphan if he keeps going the way he is. And as much as I hate him, as much as he disappoints me time and time again, the thought of losing my Father too makes me very sad.

He turned 62 on the 8th of January and he still acts like he's 15 years old. Now that I'm an adult and I look at his behavior I see he's always acted like he was 15 years old. He pretended to be an adult for awhile but it never stuck. He wanted somenone to do his laundry and cook his meals and take care of him the way his Mother did. My Mom did that. When she died, I wouldn't do that for him. I figured that a 53 year old man should be able to take care of his house and cooking his own meals and being responsible for his own child. I was so wrong. I was so SO wrong.

I'm very lucky that my husband and I could take in my sister Julia. She graduated from high school. Got a great scholarship for college. She found a job that she loves and even if she never graduates from college, that's fine. She's strong. She's had to be. Just like we all have.

I'm just feeling fragile and broken today and I want to sit at my desk and cry but I'm trying my hardest not to do that. I've got work to do and I really shouldn't be writing this, but I needed to. I needed to get this stuff off my chest. I'm usually pretty happy go lucky. I mean, look at my Facebook and it'll tell you.

Today is just not one of those days.
Music:: Fitzcarraldo - The Frames
Mood:: 'sad' sad
location: work
corbeau: (VanGoghPeep)
posted by [personal profile] corbeau at 03:56pm on 10/01/2012
I haven't written over here in forever. I made this when some stuff was going down at LJ. Then I decided I was going to use it to be my "rant about the world" Journal. Then I forgot about it promptly. I remembered it today and thought... You know, I should post there again.

So here I am.
corbeau: (Biteable Bottom Lip)
So, on Thursday the hubby and I took the afternoon off and after a quick nap I drove us to Athens to see Butch Walker and the Black Widows at the 40 Watt Club. This was... well, spur of the moment really. We decided to go and planned everything within a week which is not our usual deal. Most of the time we've got things planned way in advance. However, I received Butch's new album, The Spade, in the mail after winning it from a Tumblr contest (I had to enter a picture of someone in the 80s. Unfortunately all my pictures are in my sister's attic, so Adam obliged and gave me this one:

My hubby's the Ape. I love him so.)

ANYWAY. I've been following Butch for a long time. I started listening to his first band, Southgang, in the early 90s when their album Tainted Angel came out. I didn't even realize that Marvelous 3 was Butch and two other members of Southgang until much much later. I think it was when my best friend Wendi introduced me to their song, Vampires in Love. You might know Marvelous 3. They are kind of considered a one-hit wonder. Freak of the Week was their hit. It's a good song. Butch is a great songwriter. His songs have only gotten better and better. He's written songs (or produced albums) for Pink, P!ATD, Avril Lavigne, Katy Perry, Weezer and many others.

So, Athens. It was... mind-blowingly good. The show kicked so much ass. Butch owned that stage and the bar and... holy shit. It was just an all around fantastic show. Adam liked Butch ok, but I think after seeing him perform live that Adam is nearly as big a fan as I am. I made a MP3 cd for my car of all of Butch's albums and it's just been on rotate since Thursday. And now I'm going to link to some Youtube videos so you can see Butch's awesomeness for yourself. I'm seeing if I can swing another of his shows before he heads oversees but I don't think it's going to happen. Ft. Lauderdale, Orlando, and Raleigh are all long trips and I have very little vacation time. But it would be so worth it. Oh I know he'll be back. Atlanta's his hometown. I just want to see him again and meet him.

Oh and I've planned some tattoos based on Butch's music and Counting Crows music. Whether I'll actually be brave enough to get them, I have no idea. But ... I think I might.

Anyway!!!!!!! Youtube video awesomeness of Butch.

Pretty Melody - Butch performed this last Thursday and it was fantastic! This video is goofy and also features members of P!ATD as ninja warriors.

BEXXY! You are a P!ATD fan still, right? You'll get a kick out of this video if you haven't seen it already:

And if you want to know what Marvelous 3 was like:

And from his new album, The Spade:

And last but certainly not least:

Mood:: 'happy' happy
Music:: Bullet Belt - Butch Walker
corbeau: (Doctor Lightbulb)


posted by [personal profile] corbeau at 08:42pm on 11/08/2011 under , , ,
So, I totally know why I haven't posted in forever. It all started when I moved out of my Father's house. Once we moved out and Julia moved in with us, I really haven't been as depressed or angry as I was during the time I lived with my Father. I'm actually pretty happy. If I had more money I'd be much happier, but that's not going to happen so I'll get by!

Hi everybody!

I missed you!

Did you miss me?

Check yes [ ]
Check no [ ]

I'm going to try to be more regular. I can't guarantee anything. I say that all the time and then it takes me 8 months to post anything ever again.

So, I was looking over the news the other day and was reading about someone that ... I don't even know. He did something to break the law and so was arrested. I think it had something to do with drugs. ANYWAY.

His name? Harry Bunn, Jr.

It made me giggle.

There's a Harry Bunn, Sr. walking around out there. ;D

I don't have much to say, as you can see. Summer went well. It was busy and I barely had time to think. We have the month of August "off" from storytime and programming and it's been lovely.

Starting Monday I really need to buckle down and figure out what I'm doing programming wise for the next few months but that'll be Monday.

I've been reading a lot. Did I tell you I got a Nook for Christmas? I can't remember and I can't be arsed to look back through my entries right now. Anyway, got a Nook for Christmas. I love it. It is the best thing ever. Well, books are still better, but I love my Nookie Nook. His name is The Doctor. :D So I've been reading books. Finished The Warlock by Michael Scott on Tuesday and started Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs on Wednesday.

The Warlock is excellent. It's book five in the Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel series. If you haven't read these books, WHY NOT?!?!? They are so good. The fourth book is a little slow, but The Warlock is back to form. SO SO GOOD. Start with The Alchemyst.

Miss Peregrine is good so far. It's been a fast read. I'm loving the photographs that illustrate the book. Fun.

OH! And I got an advanced copy of Erin Morgenstern's The Night Circus - OMG. It is SO SO SO GOOD. You HAVE to read it when it comes out in September. It's about magic, romance, and a circus that you have to read to believe. I loved it so very much.

Can't wait til August 27th and the new episode of Doctor Who. I was so worried about Matt Smith and now I love him just as much as I loved Eccleston and a littttttttle tiny bit less than I loved Tennant. Yes, I'm still crazy about David Tennant. :P And I LOVE Rory Williams. Yes I do. :P

So anybahoodle.

Julia starts college next week. I've gotten her through her teenage years and into college. She is looking for an apartment/house to share with her boyfriend. She's all growed up, ya'll! (Sorry, Paula Deen moment there for a second.) She's still not sure what she wants to do, but you know, that happens. She's starting off with Psychology. Good place to start.

Devin heads back to school next week too. Hard to believe he's 15. He'll be driving before long and then we probably won't see him much.

What's that you say? That means more alone time for you and your husband?


I don't know what we'll do with it. Probably spend a lot of time on Netflix and reading. :P

Anyway, just wanted to update you on what was going on with me!

I hope you're all doing well. *MASSIVE MASSIVE MONSTER HUGS*
Mood:: 'content' content
corbeau: (Default)
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Absolutely my mother's death. August 14th, 2005. I'll never get the date out of my head. I'll never forget the way it felt when they told us that the blood in her brain would not subside. That there was no hope. I'll never forget hearing my father make the decision to turn off the life support. The minute the machines went off and Momma left us.

August 17th, 2005. The funeral. Touching her cold hand knowing that I'd never feel the brush against my forehead again. I'd never hear her laugh. I'd never watch her fix that long beautiful hair again. I'd never hug her.

So many things good happened after that day. So many things bad happened after that day. I hate that I didn't call Adam sooner so that he could have met her at least one day before she died. So that she would know that I found the perfect person. The one I had been looking for so long. I hate that my Father couldn't step up and be the man he could have been. Instead he collapsed into the man I always knew he was. My Mother raised us. My MOMMA did everything. She clothed us and listened to us and fed us and knew every little thing about us. He knew nothing and wanted to know nothing. The only thing WE, his children, were and always have been to him is a status symbol. He only ever cared what we did when we did something good because it made HIM look good.

Being able to leave my relationship with my Father behind was sad. But in the long run it has been so freeing.

I am an orphan now. But it's ok. I have my husband. I have my sisters. I have my stepson. I have my wonderful in-laws who love me. I have so much.

I just wish I still had my Momma to share it with.
Music:: Landslide - Fleetwood Mac
corbeau: (Default)
If you look at my collection of icons as a whole...

You might think I was a little teeny-tiny bit obsessed with David Tennant.

*cough* Yeah...

If you are a fan of Robert Pattinson do not read this. I am not a fan. I also talk about Water for Elephants )

I apologize if I offended any of you with my non-Robert Pattinson liking.

Sooo... what else can I talk about today? Can you believe Lost is almost over? I kind of fell out of watching it for awhile last season but now I'm hooked again. There are still characters I wholeheartedly dislike, but I'm eager to see how everything is going to turn out.

Chuck is still fantastic and STILL my favorite show on TV right now. Followed in a very strong second position by Castle. I am so happy that chances are good for a renewal of Chuck. I will be heartbroken if they cancel it. Adam and Zac and Yvonne and even Josh brighten my week when there's a new episode of Chuck. I love that show. LOVE IT. I'm so happy that my coworker is back next week so I won't be missing the show live! I don't mind watching OnDemand but I spend the next day avoiding Twitter and FB in an effort to not spoil myself!

Another thing I'm excited about: Crash Test Dummies have a new album out today and they're touring in support! No dates near me yet, but Brad did mention on the blog that they were looking at possibly coming to Atlanta. AWESOMESAUCE. Oh. Didn't I mention? I love the Crash Test Dummies. It's an unnaturally sized love. I want to scoop Brad Roberts up and cover his head with furry purry kisses. (OK, seriously. What have I been smoking the past two days? Oh, yeah, I know - INSOMNIA.) Honestly though, they are awesome. Their songs are fun and sometimes deliciously dirty (Look up the lyrics to a later CTD song I Don't Care If You Don't Mind). Another of my faves that I've never seen live. Can't wait!

My new dishwasher is marvelous. It's an ivory goddess lording over my kitchen. I was so happy to come home last night knowing that I wouldn't have to be scrubbing dishes all night long. It was wonderful. Julia was a little dubious when I told her it was all I could talk about yesterday but Adam confirmed it. I am a sad, dishwasher having lady.

IT's coming up on that time again. Yes. You guessed it. Summer Reading is just around the corner. Days filled with screaming children and puppet shows. Magicians and snot. Wild animals and the scent of poo.

I Did mention that, right? About two months ago a kid pooped on the floor, in the library, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY DESK. Yes. It was disgusting. I just ... had to shake my head. His grandmother had just stuck him in the children's area while she went off to get on the computer. She came over to get him, saw the pile of poop, and just left with him in tow. Now, I didn't realize what was going on because my desk is rather high and I sit pretty low. I didn't realize until the smell hit me and someone came around the corner and commented on the poopy floor. I had just thought the kid had a dirty diaper. AND HOW.


People are disgusting.


I've been having dreams about Top Gear. Probably haven't mentioned that I really like that show, have I? I haven't mentioned much of anything lately. I have no idea WHY I like that show, but I do. IT makes me giggle. I had a dream the other night that the hosts were all vampires. Richard Hammond and James May wanted to eat and kill me. Jeremy Clarkson thought I would make an excellent vampire and was trying to rescue me from being killed. Go figure. I've also been having loads of dreams about zombies. Two nights ago I was on a plane/boat/train that was full of zombies I was trying to escape from. No, really. It was a plane/boat/train. It had wings, it was on a track and in the water. Weirdness. It's no wonder I can now not sleep.

Two days and counting! WooHOOOOO! I'm hoping I'll get some sleep tonight but if it looks like I won't, I have some Tylenol PM to help.

I wonder if it's a day out of school or something. The library is suddenly teeming with kids and school hasn't been let out yet!

Well, I keep getting busier and busier and this entry has taken forever to write so I should probably go. Two days in a row though, WOOT! *hugs all around*

Have a great day!
Mood:: 'okay' okay
Music:: Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm - Crash Test Dummies
corbeau: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] corbeau at 06:55pm on 10/05/2010 under , , ,
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Yes. I have always given my current vehicle a name. My first car, a blue Oldsmobile 88 was Piece of Crap aka Ben. My second car, a rust-colored Lincoln Continental, was Ol' Bertha. My third car, a blue Cavalier, had a name when I received it: Ol' Blue. My current car, and love of my driving life, is a red Ford Fusion named Squishy. As in "I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy." (Finding Nemo) and is mostly called Squishy because the dashboard is kinda springy and cushiony and ... SQUISHY.

HIYA PEEPS! Long time no see.

I did just call you peeps. I know. I have no shame. But it's ok! Peeps are cool! They're my favorite Easter candy! They're all marshmallowy and sugary goodness and I luffs them, just like I luffs you! *MASSIVE HUGS*




I am entirely too happy today. Especially on a day when I've had to cover two people who are out and am working my third week on two nights a week which SUCKS A MIGHTY SUCKING THING. But... BUT BUT BUT! Here's what is making my day:

I. Have. A NEW. DISHWASHER! *does the dance of joy* COME COOSIN LARRY! Now we are so happy we do the Dance of JOY!!

Oh yesh. That is from Perfect Strangers. It brings back so many happy memories.

So yeah. We have had a magnificently spectacularly CRAPTACULAR dishwasher for awhile now. I found that if I bought the Electrasol tabs with the little red ball in them that it would get the dishes mostly clean. Well, even that stopped working. So I let the apartment complex know. And they came and cleaned the filter and basin cos most of the time that's all the problem is...

But no. That made it worse. So, two weeks ago I got a note that we were getting a new dishwasher. And so I've been washing dishes by hand which sucks a mighty suck. Especially since our kitchen is so bloody tiny that only one and a half people can fit in at a time. Really! I checked! So that means that all the dishes were being done by one person.

Guess who?

No really. I'll give you three!

Um, nope. Not the Pope.

And not Jennifer Lopez either.

Nope, you guessed it. They were being done by me.

And it's not that I mind really but ...

Sometimes I do.

Especially when I cooked the dinner too.

It just... aggravates me a tiny wee little bit of a bit.

But no more! Now I can fill the dishywasher up and let it run and voila! Clean dishes without the dishpan hands!


So yeah...

It's really truly made my day. I had a dream last night about the dishwasher and them coming to install a new one.


Ok. Seriously need to stop talking about the dishwasher now.

I have something else to be really super-excited about! I don't know if I've mentioned it, but I love Kim Harrison. My love for her books is akin to how I used to feel about Anne Rice. I love her world. I love the characters. My heart is going to break if she ever kills off my favorite character (and I know it's going to happen I just don't want it to!). ANYWAY...

On Friday I was reading her newest book Black Magic Sanction and I was taken by the following sentence: "That's so sweet, I think I'm gonna barf fairy farts." It made me laugh so hard that I had to thank her for it. On Facebook. So today?

She responded and said how happy she was that I was enjoying the book. That? IS AWESOME. *loves Kim Harrison*

She doesn't live that far away from me, but it seems like every time she's doing a local signing I have to work or ... something is coming up. I think she did a local signing back during the wedding and then in the past few months her signing was on a Thursday - a night when I have to work late and very rarely can get people to switch with me so...

I'm hoping she'll do a signing in Sept/Oct time and I can kill two birds with one stone and do the RenFest in Charlotte AND swing by to meet Kim and get an autograph! :)

So yeah.

Life is good.


I miss you guys. I'm totally going to start writing more often.

(She says and hopes she means it!)

*more hugs*


*inappropriate groping*

HAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm almost giddy today.

I'm going to go now. I really don't have much else to say!

Mood:: 'giddy' giddy
Music:: Dance of Joy
corbeau: (Hospital!Lee)
posted by [personal profile] corbeau at 10:44am on 12/02/2010 under ,
I really do. I suck. I can't even keep up with this blog for 30 days. Blah. Well, I will say, it's made me post more often than I have in the past year!! So, yay for 30 days meme thingys.

I do have to admit the past week and a half or so has been CARAZY with the people being out and all. And I have a program coming up on Monday that I'm not even slightly ready for. SO... yeah. I'm procrastinating the planning on that to post here where I've been procrastinating posting because of work. :P It's a big circle.

So, I'll put it behind a cut so I don't clutter your Fpage.

30 Days Catch Up - Days 13 - 22. I KNOW, OK! )

Soooooo that was day 13 - day 22.

Sorry to have to catch up like that! :) Thanks for reading, if you read it! I hope you like the soup if you try it!! :) It's going to SNOW TODAY! I'm so excited you have no idea. I haven't seen snow in ages. I know some of you are sick and tired of snow and I don't blame you but we hardly ever get snow here. I just want to see a few flakes. :)

Anyway, hope you all have a fantabulous weekend! *hugs all around*
Mood:: 'happy' happy
corbeau: (People are Idiots and I hate them.)
posted by [personal profile] corbeau at 05:48pm on 26/01/2010 under ,
This has been a horrible day. I don't want to talk about it. I'm overemphasizing because I'm just in a really weird/overreacting/I hate the world type of mood today.


To make this quick:

Day 05 → Your favorite quote:

"True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen."
-Francois De La Rochefoucauld

I came across that quote in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations when I was in College and just fell in love with it. I could just see everyone's True Loves dancing around them just out of sight. Everyone always seems to be searching for that One True Love. I'm so glad I found mine. My hope is that, if you haven't yet, you will all find your own True Loves.

Much loffs to you all.

*hugs all around*
Music:: If This Is It - Huey Lewis
Mood:: 'hating everything' hating everything
corbeau: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] corbeau at 11:51am on 05/01/2010 under , , , , ,
Hi Guys!

Boy, it's been a long time! Last time I posted I had just gotten married. :) Things are still going very well, but I knew they would. We had been living together for nearly two years! Getting married just made things official. I mean, it was amazing! I'm so glad we did get married. But has it changed our relationship? No. Not really. Everyone keeps asking and seems surprised when we answer no.

I've been paying monthly for this journal and realize I really need to start writing in it. There's no reason to fork out money every month if I'm not. So. My New Years Resolution is for this year, to write more often. It's been my New Years Resolution for a couple of years but I think I can finally keep it now! I've been itching to write and so I will!

So! An update on lifey type things first. I'm married. Yay! But you knew that already. We are doing good. Right now the entire fam is suffering from some sort of sinus bug and that sucks but it's nothing bad! Adam went to the Doctor on Thursday who told him to keep taking the sinus meds he's been taking and he's finally getting over it. I started feeling bad Saturday night and so did Julia. I took today off and hopefully will be well enough to be back at work tomorrow.

Christmas was good. I still haven't received my Christmas present from Ad. He waited a bit too long and apparently it is supposed to be here today. So, if it's something awesome I'll probably be back here tomorrow to post about it and squee. :) EDITED: I wrote this last night but got to feeling bad and couldn't finish. So I now HAVE my Christmas present! It was a scent locket from BPAL Well, really, the Black Phoenix Trading Post. Which one, you might ask? The Forbidden Brides of the Faceless Slaves in the Secret House of the Night of Dread Desire! It is AWESOME. And BPAL is awesome too because I got FIVE Imps. The Ghost is glorious. I quite like Knave of Hearts as well. Highwayman and Night-Gaunt were not for me and the jury is still out on the last, Verdandi. But fun!!!

Speaking of Neil and squeeing -


I met Neil Gaiman again on December 14th. Unfortunately the girl who was sticking Post-Its on the books with our names misspelled Renee. So I became Ronee in both The Graveyard Book and Odd and the Frost Giants. That. Stinks. But really? It's ok. I got to say hello and Thank him again and it was lovely. I also met up with a really nice local girl who sat with me and we talked Neil while we were waiting. It was nice not to just sit there like a lump while waiting to get in line. :)

AND NOW - I get to talk about things that my family is just tired of hearing me talk about!

I finally saw Star Trek and it. Was. AWESOME. Holy crap. I so wish that I had been able to see it on the big screen. Love love love it.

Also, I am in love with Up. Ellie and Carl's story just... well it just about broke my heart. I watched it three times in one day (I showed it twice at the library and then made Adam watch it when I got home!) and cried every single time at a certain point in the film. It is beautiful. I have it on Blu-Ray now (cos we bought a Blu-Ray player during Black Friday! Woot!)

TV shmeevee. I'm still watching Heroes. Yes, I know. I know I'll be disppointed in how the show will turn out but I just can't give up Zachary Quinto every week. I really don't have much to comment on it except: I'll be overjoyed if they never bring Matt Parkman back. I love Greg Grunberg but I'm so sick of his character on that show. Of course, I felt the same about Mohinder last season.

Chuck is back next week and I. Can't. WAITTTTTTT!!! I love that show so very much. Also very excited about Lost's impending return!

Of course there's also Doctor Who Spoilers, probably, ahead )

Enough talk about Doctor Who! :)

Two people are out at work today and so I'm spending a buttload of time on desk so you may hear more from me today or this could be it. I hope you all had a great Christmas and a very Happy New Year. You'll be hearing more from me! Soon you'll be sick of me. :P

Hope you're all doing well! Much love! *hugs*
Mood:: 'chipper' chipper
Music:: Doctor Who Theme


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